November 2, 2014

This is who I am

This past year has been a year of major changes for me. At the start of the year I made some goals. We all do that. How many of us actually follow through? Not me! That used to be my anyways. I made the goal that I was going to lose weight, learn to accept myself and change habits.
Well I sat on the back burner until May. I remember I was at Costco and I ran into a dear friend I hadn't seen in quite awhile. Truth be told I hardly recognized her. She was thin, I mean really thin, she walked with confidence and she was just happy. After we talked and as she walked away I knew I had to do something for myself.  This friend of mine was getting ready to compete. She had a trainer, worked on meal plans and worked out everyday. I hated the thought of doing that. I never really had to worry about what I ate or how much until child number 4 came and since then it had just piled up. Now mind you I wasn't fat by any means but I felt sluggish and just low. I had no self esteem and I always felt the need to cover up. I wasn't happy in my own skin.
So that night after thinking about it that whole day. I couldn't really think of anything else but my friend. So I sent her a message on facebook and she responded with a name of a gal who was a fantastic trainer that would be great to give a try. I starred at that message for a whole week after that. I remember making the attempt to call her several times but I would end up hanging up before she would answer. I chickened out. I did that several times. I am sure she thought a psycho path was calling. I finally did it. I let it ring until she answered. I knew the minute I heard her voice that this was my gal.
So this is where my journey started. It started at the end of May. I remember the first time I actually when and met Teri for the first time. She was so awesome! Made me feel like I could do anything and that she was there to help me do what I was there to do- change myself. Physically.
So I did it! I stuck with it. It was hard. Super hard! I hated working out and the food, I wasn't used to it. But I did it and you know that saying that "slow and steady wins the race?" Well it is true. I can testify of that. I didn't see huge improvements right away. I hurt all the time. I was constantly craving sugar, sweets, anything that tasted good. Over time and every time I met with Teri she would measure me and take pictures of my progress. It was working and for the first time in a long time I could feel something happening inside of me. I felt good. I was starting to lose the weight and I was gaining confidence.

The food started to get better. I had to learn how to cook all over again. Goodbye boxed food. Goodbye canned food. Hello protein!!!!
So here we are almost 5 months later and I have lost 12 lbs and 4 inches off my waist. I feel amazing!!! I can sleep better. My back pains have practically disappeared unless a child creeps into my bed at night and kicks my back with their feet, then it hurts.
My cravings are still there. I fight them still. But they are slowly going away. On my meal plan I am allowed 2 cheat meals a week. I take them! I love them! They keep me going but I am starting to crave them more after having them so I am in the process of eliminating all of it! Goodbye sugar!!!!
Every morning when my alarm goes off at 6:10 a.m,. and it is cold and still dark outside, it is really hard to get out of bed and go to the gym. But the mornings I don't make it to the gym, momzilla wakes up and it is not fun. My kids will ask me "You didn't go workout today did you?" I ask "Why do you ask?" and they will so kindly say "well because you are yelling and telling us what to do." So I make it a point to go every morning.
I have a hernia in my stomach. It's called Dissectus Reci. Which means that my ab muscles are stretched to their max. I can fit my entire fist between my ab muscles. It is not pretty. Explains why I can't do a situp to save my life and while I struggle to do pull ups. I am quite the sight to when I do it. Teri laughs every time I try to do them at the gym. So I just kick her and we end up rolling on the floor laughing because I looked so ridiculously funny. I also have a lot of saggy skin from having 6 babies. I am seriously contemplating having a tummy tuck in the spring along with my muscles being sewn back together.We will see.
So this is my life now. I am in love with it! Accepting myself as I am. I know I will never look like i did when I got home from my mission or post baby. I know that now. But I can learn to accept myself for who I have become. I have 5 beautifl children that I wouldn't change for the world. This is the body that challenged me through thick and thin, I accept myself now. Acceptance has always been a hard thing for me, but  I can honestly say I am happy right now, except for Sundays. Sundays make me grumpy. Why do I admit that? Because I am being open and honest. Sundays are hard for me. My kids never listen to me,probably because I am just their mom and I don't really mean anything. That is another post for another day. But today I am happy. My kids all went to bed at 7 pm. I was tired. They were exhausted because they were up at 5 am due to the time change. I hope this isn't a new thing. Heaven help us all!