We finally got a rain storm. This is the view out my back window of our home. It was so beautiful. The weather was still warm and there was a slight breeze. It was one of those days you wish you could just sit and watch the clouds come in. There was thunder and a little bit of lightning, it was beautiful. I love storms. I miss the ones in Arizona. Those were amazing ones. When the monsoon season would roll around I was outside watching it almost every night.
It has been a while since we had any rain. I love the smell of it, the way it just washes everything old away and makes new. Keaton liked the thunder. Today he went through the house warning people about the storm that was coming.
This evening when the sun was trying to peak through the clouds I was able to snap a couple of shots of the amazing contrast in color of our trees against the dark sky. It was so pretty.
It got me thinking today about the storms I have been through in my life. Some of them I try not to go back and think about and some I can close my eyes and see them as if they happened yesterday. One of the most trialing times of my life was the pregnancy and birth of our first child Madalynn. Some days it hits me really hard and some days I honestly still feel numb from the whole experience. Maybe that is the way Heavenly Father intended it to be for me. Even though we didn't know her, we were able to feel of her spirit for the short time we got to be with her in the hospital.
There is a part of me that somehow passed away when she did. I can't wait to meet her and get to know her. I wonder if my boys knew her. Where they together before they all came to our family? Do they really know her? I am sure there is a momma up there somewhere rocking her while I can't.
Other trials that have come and gone have left impressions upon my mind. The miraculous life of my two boys whom I love more than life. It amazes me just how fun life can be. They present me with new ideas all the time.
I have decided to start a quote wall in our kitchen and write down all the funny things they do and say. It is hard to remember all of them when I don't write them down. Keep posted, I will write them all down for you.
I am so thankful to be alive and to be me. Sometimes I have really struggled with myself but the more I live and the more I learn from my mistakes the better I can become. My poor husband has put up with alot lately. Thanks Lance for trying to understand.
4 comments:
Mel,
I am sitting here at work sobbing! The part that hit me the most is when you said that apart of you died when Madalynn passed away. I have NO doubt in my mind that Madalynn knew Keaton and Andrew, and that she told them to come to eart for you, she told them how loved she was for the short time she was here on earth, I know, I know, I know she told them about you as a mother. She is waiting for all of us to make it back to see her! I love you Mel!
Justin
Melissa you are such a wonderful mother and sister and I think so highly of you. I don't know how you do half of the things that you do but I look up to you so much. I don't think I could have endured what you have. I know your kids love you so much and I am sure Madalynn wishes that you could hold her and rock her to sleep tonight. I am sure that day will come for you. What a great thing to look forward too! I love you so much and am grateful that you are my sister. I love the pics of the boys kissing- so cute!
Wow, what a great post! I got a little teary-eyed. Hope to see you guys at the reunion...greyhound and all!!
Hi, You don't know me, but I worked with Justin for a while. I lost a baby to still birth a little over a month ago. When Justin mentioned on his blog that his sister had blogged about her baby she had lost I had to search through all of his links to find your post. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I remember a quote. I don't know if I'm remembering it correctly, but it goes something like, "Haveing a child is to forever decide to have your heart go walking around outside of your body." I think that's the part of us that dies with our babies.
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