This is what 3 to 5 p.m. looks like lately at our home.

Doesn't matter how many kids are running through our home screaming or playing, this is how Drew will stay. I love such a sweet face..

What was I thinking?

I have been running, running fast.  My feet haven't stopped for the past two weeks. I love it and in the same sense I am just tuckered out.  I have been cooking actual meals, cleaning, trying to resolve the silliest little issues with my boys, trying to potty train Andrew (for the 3rd time),  been trying to wean Owen and I have been trying to get some sleep, which lately, is very little.  Yep, I am worn out. But we are alive and I am happy. I feel happy and I feel crowded. Is that possible?  I keep telling myself that it is. Of course it is. I am happy because I am filling my days up with meaningful things that bring me peace, comfort and the sweet satisfaction that I have accomplished something. I am happy because Carrie is here. She is so fun to be arund. I am happy because it gives me someone to talk to during the day.
I feel croweded because some of my space is taken. I feel crowded because I am busy non-stop, almost 24/7. It isn't a bad feeling, it just takes some getting used to is all.  Now don't get me wrong, every day is not like this.  These days come now and then and when the good ones come I tend to reach out and hold on to it for as long as I can, because I love that feeling that everything is happening the way they should. My children are on their schedules, the weather is great, I wake up feeling not so grumpy. Oh I love good days!

So this morning my three year old comes up to me right after breakfast and asks for a treat. This is how it went.....
Andrew : "Mom, can I have a treat?"
Me: "No, I don't think so. You just had breakfast."
Andrew: "But I am still hungry! And I need something to help my legs feel better!"

Me: "What is wrong with your legs?"

Andrew: " My legs are hungry! Look at them mom! They are so skinny!"

Me: "Who told you that your legs were skinny?"

Andrew: "The treats in the pantry, told me to eat them so I won't have skinny legs!"

Me: "Oh of course they did. What was I thinking?"

Andrew: "Come in the pantry and you can hear it."

So we go into the pantry and he has me listen really quietly to see if I can hear the fruit snacks talk.

After about 1 minute I tell him......

Me: " I heard it, they just told me that if you want your legs to get bigger then you should eat an apple or some string cheese."

Andrew: "Mom, what were you thinking?"

Me: " You are right! What was I thinking?"

I guess I can't say I love the three year old stage. It has its ups and downs.  Seems to me like it is the terrible three's instead of the terrible twos.  Most mornings Andrew wakes up grouchy and they he starts complaining and that has been driving me absolutely bonkers. I hope this is only a stage that will pass fast.

Owen, is 13 months. I am still nursing. I love nursing and I am ready for it to be done with. Does that make sense?  He is very clingy to me and is a complete momma's boy.  Anyone around here will testify to that. I hope that weaning him this week will make him sleep through the night. We are still struggling to get him to sleep more than 5 hours at a stretch. He has never been a sleeper.  Lately he has been getting up 3-4 times a night and I am really really really tired these days. I also hope that he will become alittle more independant. He is still not walking. Not even trying. Yes, this is frustrating to us all. He will get there I just wish he would do it a little faster. I think he will be much happier when he does.

For now, we are just waiting for the warm weather to decided to stay around.  Yesterday it was only 45 degrees and we woke up to mountains covered in snow. It is May right? Oh bizzarre !

Our new roomies

How are we doing? Well we are doing really well actually. Lance's brother John and his wife Carrie moved in with us about a week ago. We have been loving it. They must have brought the Arizona sun with them too because we have been enjoying lots of sun and very warm days. We are LOVING it! John has been working with Lance. They are really enjoying working side by side. John is learing the ropes and he mentioned that it felt good to be out doing physical work. With that physical work, it makes for some very hungry guys. But that is just fine with us.
I am really enjoying my time getting to know Carrie. She is such a sweetheart. I didn't really know her before so it is nice to get to have her all to myself during the day. John and Carried are expecting their first baby boy on June 25th. So yes, we are going to have a newborn in our home again. I can't wait. I love babies, and the best part is, I won't have sleepless nights either. Although I am sure I will be dying to help out. I remember all the amazing help we have had with each one of our babies. I can't wait to step in to help when help is needed.
Today we went shopping and bought her bedding. It really cute. Then this afternoon we went up to their room and set the crib up so she could put it all one. I think she was really excited about that. Tomorrow it is more shopping to get her all ready for her delivery. Then on June 5th we have having really big baby shower for her here at my home. That should really be helpful.
My boys love the company. Keaton wakes up each morning to see if they are still here. Owen is really warming up to them. He lets them help them out and hold him and that has been helpful.

The weather has been amazing. We haven't seen warm temperatures like this since last summer. We are outside literally all day long. All my windows are open, the fans going and I love waking up each morning and opening my back patio doors open to hear the waterfall. It has been heaven. Mornings we have eaten outside, lunches on the patio furniture and the evenings for great walks.

We have been very blessed having them in our home. I am so glad that we were able to help them out. I have felt the reassurance that what we are doing will benefit both them and us.

To all of our family in Arizona, feel free to come and visit us anytime. We love company. We are sorry that we stole some of them away from you but we are recruiting more and more.

We love you! Have a great week.

Today I am thinking.....

- Today I am thinking.... really deeply thinking. I have found myself here, in this deep thought mindset. The kind that I have to make big, major, life changing decisions. And I lack any easy answers.

- Today I am thinking about how happiness and misery are all controlled from within ourselves. It is a chosen lifestyle. I choose to be happy and I feel glad and so grateful for good friends and family who have helped me.

-Today I am thinking about how good and simple life is. I have been sad and down the lonely road. I have also felt completely happy. I choose to be happy.

- Today I am thinking about how interesting this weather is. The wind has become a constant friend and today I am thinking I would like it to just go away. I feel ready for warm weather.

- Today I am thinking about how different our lives are going to be come tomorow. Lance's brother John and his wife are moving in with us for the summer to work. Carrie is due in June with their first baby. A baby boy will be living in our home. I can't wait to have a newborn around again. I am actually really excited. Ask me again at the end of the summer how it went.

- Today I am thinking how good it feels to live guilt free. I have very few regrets in this life. Every regret, I haven't missed yet.

- Today I am thinking about a special baby that once was mine. How I wish I could go back 6 years ago and whisper to her how much I love her. How much she will be missed and how much I will think about her and the thought of her will change every decision I will make in my life.

- Today I am thinking and thinking about how it feels WHOLLY to have the courage to stand for what I believe no matter what the consequences. To walk away from situations and people who do not feel right. It is a skill that I painstakingly earned and I choose to own it fully.

- Today I am thinking about how much I should start to run again. Getting on that treadmill never felt so good.

- Today I am thinking about how good love feels.... to give it..... to recieve it....the accepting of love.... all of it.

- Today I am thinking about how amazing this world is. It is full of good people. People I can trust. Love and listen to. People who are there to help me succeed.

- Today I am thinking that I want to write a letter to my 20 year old self. Yes, going back to the past 10 years ago.... telling her what the next 10 years will require of her, also that she will be up for the challenge, that she will make it. I want to tell her that life is good and that even at 30 years of age life feels like it is just beginning, and that it is still not over.... even though at times she thought her best years had already been lived. I want to tell her how proud I am of her. I want to tell her that she will feel joy in the journey and there are still many amazing lessons to be learned. I want to tell her to trust the process, but most importantly, to trust herself.

- Today I am thinking how much I love my life. I love my husband. I love my children and most of all I love the day to day things that make my life worth living.

- Today I am thinking that it will be all worth it in the end.

Good night!

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of you incredible moms out there. I pay special tribute to all of the many important, outstanding and incredibly amazing women in my life. From my mom all the way down to Grandma Ray ( Lance's grandma, who is absolutely amazing. I hope to be like her many years down the road.). Each one of you have done so much for me. Its those tiny, tiny acts of love you have shown me. The many huge and major things that have been done for me, I thank you! I love you!
Since Mother's Day is always on Sunday, and I must say, I love that because it is the one day where I can relax (most of the time anyways) and just have a peaceful day with my family.
The primary children sang "Mother I love you" in sacrament today. Andrew was one of the first ones up on stage and he ran right for the podium. He climed up and starting playing with the microphone. I just sat there and watched my son become the center of attention. He was having a good time. I was amazed at how well he sang. It is a good thing the microphone was turned off too or you would have heard some serious sounds come out of him. He fell off during the song and wouldn't you know, he climbed back up and started playing with the mic again. I just sat and got the biggest kick out of watching him. Everyone commented on him throughout our meetings. "That's our Drew!" Is what we would all tell them. He was too cute. As for Keaton, he just kept quite in the corner and sang so reverently. I love my children!
My sister Rachel and I thought it would be nice to make dinner for my mom and all the many other people that would be coming to. It was a great dinner and fun entertainment. My brother Justin just bought a boxer and named her Lily. She is adorable and my boys are in love with her now. It took some getting used to but they warmed up to her and now they ask to see her all the time. So Justin, if you are out there reading this, you can stop by any time with Lily. The boy would love that.
All I can document from Mother's Day is a family picture we tried to take. Andrew was being alittle difficult and would not smile or look at the camera. So my dad inticed him with some candy and he was ok with that so we at least got him to look at the camera. So here we are......

Happy Mother's Day to all of you!

A fun night out

Last night Lance and I took the boys out for a fun family night. We had to get some things done first but afterwards it was all fun and games. We took our boys out to eat, which is a rare ocassion and when we do, the boys absolutely love it! I love it too because I don't have to cook. Plus, it always tastes better when someone else does the cooking. Right?
Afterwards we went to Wahooz. It is a fun amusment park in Meridian and the boys had never been there. I had only been there once before and that was back in high school. So it has been quite awhile. Another company took over the old one which was called Boondocks before and now it is Wahooz. It is a very family friendly place and the boys had a lot of fun. The funnest part was taking the boys on the bumper carts.

They had a great time. I took Keaton on the first run and then Lance took Andrew the second time. We had Owen with us and he was too little to go on one. Maybe next time he will be big enough.  He just stood on the sidelines and cheered all the race cars on.

The boys had a few coins for some video arcade games. Their favorite ones were the ones we didn't even have to put coins in. There was a game that the boys loved and it was a big machine that pointed at the screen and they had to smash all the bugs. They loved it. The demo was awesome and they thought they were playing the real game. I love this young age. They never knew they were playing the demo. That will only last for so long.

As we were finishing up our coins, this lady came up to us and gave us some free entrance passes for my boys in to the big jungle gym. She said that they were left overs from a birthday party. It was so nice of her. Come to find out I went to high school with her over at Meridian. Small world. I recongnized her alitte and then I told her my maiden name then she said that she didn't even recognize me. I am not sure if that was good or bad. Oh well, it was a thoughtful thing of her to do and my boys LOVED it! Owen did too. He met some new little friends and had fun climbing around.
We survived and had a lot of fun. There is a real satisfaction that I feel when I see my boys having a fun time with each other. They were truly best friends last night and it made my heart glad to see it.
Owen had his own fun. He sat on a few rides in some fun cars.

I can't believe April is over and May is here. Honestly where did the time go? Keaton is almost done with Pre-school. The next two weeks will be at our home. I kind of dread those weeks but these will be the last ones and then it will be over. Keaton will be in Kindergarten in the fall and I just put Keaton into a little preschool group that a friend is starting at her home. I think it will be good thing for Andrew. He is eager to learn and go to school just like Keaton. I think he is feeling alittle left out at times. So it will be just Owen and I for a few days. What will that be like? I am kind of sad and kind of excited.
The weather is pretty funcky. Seems like the wind is our constant friend now days. I am ready for summer. It has been pretty icky lately and every now and then the sun will poke through and we can go outside and enjoy it and then the rain picks back up again. I guess that is Springtime for you.
We are starting to get the lawn looking normal. We had some guys come and spray for weeds and put new seed down. We will see how well that works in two weeks time they tell us. The weeds are still there and this week we hope to tackle that down as well. It will look awesome when we get it all done.
Lance's birthday is coming up and we were thinking about renting a Limo for his birthday with a few of our close friends and go out to eat but the more we thought about it and the more the pricing goes up the more we are thinking twice about it. I voted for Bro. King to drive us in a school bus. Wouldn't that be so much fun? Going out to eat with your closest friends in a school bus? But he wasn't too excited about it so I am not sure what we will do.
Lance is really busy with work. He is getting a lot of new homes each week and they are getting them done pretty fast and easy. Well I am not sure about the easy part but he has hired on more crews and that has seemed to help quite abit. It is pretty time consuming training new people but once he has that done then the rest is icing on the cake. I am so thankful that he has a good job. He has been working really hard and for that I am so grateful.