Today I am thinking.....

- Today I am thinking.... really deeply thinking. I have found myself here, in this deep thought mindset. The kind that I have to make big, major, life changing decisions. And I lack any easy answers.

- Today I am thinking about how happiness and misery are all controlled from within ourselves. It is a chosen lifestyle. I choose to be happy and I feel glad and so grateful for good friends and family who have helped me.

-Today I am thinking about how good and simple life is. I have been sad and down the lonely road. I have also felt completely happy. I choose to be happy.

- Today I am thinking about how interesting this weather is. The wind has become a constant friend and today I am thinking I would like it to just go away. I feel ready for warm weather.

- Today I am thinking about how different our lives are going to be come tomorow. Lance's brother John and his wife are moving in with us for the summer to work. Carrie is due in June with their first baby. A baby boy will be living in our home. I can't wait to have a newborn around again. I am actually really excited. Ask me again at the end of the summer how it went.

- Today I am thinking how good it feels to live guilt free. I have very few regrets in this life. Every regret, I haven't missed yet.

- Today I am thinking about a special baby that once was mine. How I wish I could go back 6 years ago and whisper to her how much I love her. How much she will be missed and how much I will think about her and the thought of her will change every decision I will make in my life.

- Today I am thinking and thinking about how it feels WHOLLY to have the courage to stand for what I believe no matter what the consequences. To walk away from situations and people who do not feel right. It is a skill that I painstakingly earned and I choose to own it fully.

- Today I am thinking about how much I should start to run again. Getting on that treadmill never felt so good.

- Today I am thinking about how good love feels.... to give it..... to recieve it....the accepting of love.... all of it.

- Today I am thinking about how amazing this world is. It is full of good people. People I can trust. Love and listen to. People who are there to help me succeed.

- Today I am thinking that I want to write a letter to my 20 year old self. Yes, going back to the past 10 years ago.... telling her what the next 10 years will require of her, also that she will be up for the challenge, that she will make it. I want to tell her that life is good and that even at 30 years of age life feels like it is just beginning, and that it is still not over.... even though at times she thought her best years had already been lived. I want to tell her how proud I am of her. I want to tell her that she will feel joy in the journey and there are still many amazing lessons to be learned. I want to tell her to trust the process, but most importantly, to trust herself.

- Today I am thinking how much I love my life. I love my husband. I love my children and most of all I love the day to day things that make my life worth living.

- Today I am thinking that it will be all worth it in the end.

Good night!