I missed writing down Miracle #1. Lance informed me that we found it so early. Yes, to some that isn't considered a miracle. The fact that I have breast cancer is not a miracle at all but the fact that we found it early is.
Miracle #2 happened this morning. Last week I had my first Breast MRI to give the doctor's a better image of the breast and to see the cancer and what was going on. When we received the news that there was something showing on the left side, well that just made me sick to my stomach. All the thoughts that run through your mind as to what it could be. Has the cancer spread? Is it in both breasts? Does this mean it is going to get pretty ugly from here on out? Those were all the thoughts I have been been entertaining up until this morning. Literally I couldn't eat, sleep or just enjoy everyday life. Every time something hurt or didn't feel right, I would tell myself that it was probably the cancer spreading. You know, depressing stuff. That is what the mind does to you when all you have is time. Time to think. Time to play out all the scenarios. Time really is torture!
This morning came. I didn't sleep at all last night. I took 4 melatonin and was thinking that would put me out but I think my mind was stronger than the meds. All I did last night was pray. Pray, pray and pray some more. I remember looking over at the alarm clock constantly to see what time it was. I must have eventually drifted off to sleep because my alarm went off at 6 am this morning. We had to be to the hospital by 7:30 so they could get me all set up for the MRI. Can I just say how much I hate MRI'S? Being confined and the loud noise. It is really quite terrifying for me.
The nurses and doctors were all very nice. After I had dressed into the lovely scrubs an older man by the name of Ray came to take me back to administer the IV. I sat in a very sterile room. It was just me and him. As he was getting ready, I just sat there and started to cry. He turned around and stopped and sat down right in front of me. He held my hand and looked me right in the eye and said "you got this!" Do you know how many times I have heard that phrase? Millions of times. He sat and talked with me for awhile until I started to calm down. A nurse came in and started to give me some medicine to help me through the MRI. They had doubled my prescription because last time it didn't really work so well. Bless them all. I sat alone for about 5 minutes and the only sound I could hear was a constant loud beeping. To some this would be really annoying but to me this was calming. It helped settle me down. I welcomed that sound.
The IV was in and Dr. Macy who was going to perform the biopsy came in and introduced herself. I felt good around her. She was gentle, friendly and very personable. I really liked her. After the medicine really started to kick in ( 5-10 minutes) they had me walk to the next room which was the MRI room.
Now picture with me a very large room with a very large machine smack dab in the middle. The walls are a beautiful color and there are plants in the room. That was the first thing I noticed. Why are there plants in the MRI room? Sign that life is beautiful and can still go on in the middle of all the crazy out there. Anways they had me lay face down on the machine and placed me where they needed me. More pinching, more pressure and I was ready. Ray was right there to put a warm blanket over me and he also put some head phones on me so I could listen to music. I am still not quite sure why they give you that option because once you are in the MRI it is all static and the loud pounding of the machine is much louder and it blocks out all sound.
Here we go........ I was so out of it. I was so groggy. They asked me if I was okay and all I did I guess was just lay there. So they pushed me in. This time I wasn't anxious, just really relaxed. I prayed some more. I prayed a lot. All I asked the Lord for this time was a small chance for something good. Some ounce of good information because all we have heard is negative this whole time. If I could get just one ounce of good information to keep me going I would be grateful.
Oh I forgot to mention that before I went into the MRI machine Dr. Macy asked me if I had any questions. I asked her if she believed in miracles. She responded that she had seen some happen. I told her that I wanted a miracle today. I wanted her to give me good news when we were done.
30 minutes of laying in the machine and just praying. I wasn't crying this time. No itches, just a slightly uncomfortable back with the position I was in but I was good. I prayed that whole 30 minutes. It felt more like I was talking to myself. I have been told and taught many times growing up that we should find time to pray out loud. Something about praying out loud makes me strange. At least for me. So I have decided that in order to be heard, I am going to pray out loud.
I was told that there would be a lot of pulling me out of the machine and putting me back in so that they could find the exact location of the spot they were going to test. But nothing like that happened. I was in there the whole time. When they pulled me out I was waiting to feel the needle and the biospy would begin. Dr. Macy was there rubbing my back telling me that I was done and that I could sit up. I knew I was groggy but I wasn't groggy enough to know that they had missed the biopsy part. When I sat up the first thing she said " Melissa, you got your miracle." She went on to explain that she could not find anything there. It was simply gone. There was nothing to test. It was clear. I sat there silently. He heard me! He blessed me with a miracle. I have Dr. Macy a hug and told her that we had to go and tell Lance right away. So she helped me out and we went straight into the waiting room where Lance had been waiting the whole time. I was groggy but a happy groggy. Miracle #2 happened right before out eyes.
I know God is a God of miracles. Miracles come big and small. Now maybe this was a small miracle to some but to us it was HUGE!!! Huge enough to celebrate. My left breast was okay. No cancer!!!!! If only my right side could have that same miracle. I know I can't ask the Lord for that right now. Small victories! I will take it! Tears of joy today!!!!! Now some of you might say "Ya but you still have cancer!" I know!! I know that!! I feel it!! There is no getting away from that cloud that hangs over me every second of every day. But today I see the sun peaking through and we are going to beat this! I feel it! The road might be long and hard but we are going to beat this!!!! Cancer will never take what is mine! I choose to live!!! I choose to be happy!
So tonight as I write this I feel at peace. I am very grateful to Heavenly Father for allowing me this one small miracle.