Sunday has come and gone. Owen woke up feeling really crummy. It was literally coming out both ends and I judging by his reaction I don't think he has ever had diarrhea like that before. It kind of freaked him out.
Lance leaves early in the morning for meetings. Sunday mornings are kind of lonely in our home. We just got a new DVD on 50 different scenes from the Gospel series. Truly beautiful video. This was one literally 24/7 in our home. I sent Lance a text that I was going to have to miss church because Lance is conducting in sacrament this month. I felt let down. Church was the one place I wanted to be. Luckily my father came to the rescue! He has been hands down there whenever I have needed someone. I am so thankful for that. It is hard for me to leave my children now with this diagnosis. I just want to be at home with them.
Our sacrament meeting starts at 1 pm. Hayden and Owen went down for a nap. It was going to be an easy afternoon.
Church was better than I thought. I didn't want people to feel sorry for us or make it an all about me sacrament. That was not my intent at all. I only had 3 of my 5 children with me and it was so relaxing. It was nice to sit and listen and just be still. Kind of.
Lance bore his testimony. I watched him and just felt this immense love for him. He has been my rock and just a great support to me. I don't know what I would do without him. I just knew I needed to get up. You know that feeling that builds and builds inside until you feel like you are about to burst? Yep, I felt that. So up I went. I didn't even know what to say. But I just knew I wanted to be honest with myself and with the Lord. I have felt a lot of emotions. A huge range of emotions. I don't really remember what I said, but I said it. I felt relieved. I could breathe.
The rest of the day was very much for me. I feel personally that each class and each lesson I gained so much from. Brother Flemming gave an amazing lesson on the miracles that Christ performed. From raising the dead, to healing the lame. If Christ could perform miracles then why can't he do that now? Maybe he does. Maybe there are some who are completely healed and cured. Maybe that is not what he has in mind for me. Maybe my healing will come in other ways. But I am hopeful that all will be okay in the future. It is going to be a journey. My new mantra is "Trust your Journey!" It seems suited for me. Trust that this journey is going to be bright and change our lives for the better. Most days I just pray for my normal life to come back. That boring day to day routine that we created for ourselves. I would give anything to go back to those days when the dark cloud that tends to hover over my heard constantly go away. I want it gone!!!! I want the sun to shine all day. But I have come to realize over these past 2 weeks since this all started that the sun does shine. I just have to look for it.
Surviving is my goal. Surviving for my children. Surviving for Lance and most of all surviving for myself. So I write this all down knowing that one day we will look on this and see how far we have come and to see what our new normal is becoming.
This evening a sister from our ward Linda Waumbolt came over to visit. She brought me a bottle of Curcumin C and she explained its power of fighting inflammation because that is the start of cancer. Inflammation in the body. I was so grateful for her visit. We are surrounded by several people to have gone above and beyond for us and that has been an emotional thing for me. After her visit my mother showed up to watch our children so we could go and visit our friends Kim and Kay Cherry. They are one of the most amazing couples I have ever met. Kay is a breast cancer survivor and Kim was diagnosed 6 years ago with ALS. According to doctors he should have been dead 4 years ago. At the time of his diagnosis he was told there was only hope. No treatments, no cures no nothing. I can't imagine being told that. In my diagnosis there has been story after story of survival and how so many are beating the odds now. ALS, there are no survivors. Only a death sentence and they have beaten the odds. Kim is still up and golfing. Getting healthier and healthier every day. They have literally reversed his diagnosis through several things and I have felt very impressed to visit with them and talk with them about some of the things they are doing.
Several times we have been told about the benefits of a hyperbaric chamber and ozone therapy. So maybe we are being led in different directions. The more and more I read about the treatments out there the more I am terrified about what it can potentially do. So we are being well educated through many sources about all the options out there.
Thanks you for all your support, prayers, generous meals and thoughtful gifts we have had each and every day. We have been truly blessed. We love you all for that!!!